hope – Kristi P. Powell

Deep Breath Before the Plunge

In one of my favorite books, The Return of the King, Gandalf, the venerable wizard, and Pippin, the playful but maturing Hobbit, arrive at a major city at the cusp of an enormous battle. Everyone is on edge, waiting for it to start. Gandalf calls it “the deep breath before the plunge”. I’ve been here several times in my life, on the edge of something completely life-changing.

Before I left for college, the first person in my close-knit family to leave home, move to another state, and complete a bachelor’s degree.

Before I moved overseas, to another country to learn a new, difficult language and be immersed in a new culture.

Before I moved back to America, not knowing in the least what was next.

Before I got married, choosing to trade singleness for lifelong partnership.

And now, I sit at the cusp of adopting four children, ages two to seven. I’ve taken lots of deep breaths before this plunge. These quiet moments of preparation before my “normal” is completely turned upside down are precious, and frightening at times.

In the weeks or months leading up to a big change, my heart has a tug of war with itself. I don’t like change, yet God’s given me an adventuring spirit that is willing to go into uncharted territory. All the what-ifs swirl around my head. I am a champion at worst-case-scenarios, which makes for great story-telling, but leads to anxiety in my personal life. It is all too easy to spiral down into fear and despair, long before any difficult thing actually happens. I’ve had moments of panic, wondering what in the world I was thinking when I made this decision. Surely you can’t handle this. It’s too hard. It’s too big. And too uncomfortable.

And while those things are true of every adventure I’ve embarked on, there is another truth that rings even truer. If God asked me to do this, he will be by my side supplying grace, strength, perseverance, and wisdom to accomplish it every step of the way. This is his plan, not mine. I’m not writing this story, he is. And I must trust the Author.

Even if nothing of the rest of my life is as I planned, expected or hoped, I will still cry out, “I have no good apart from [God]!” (Ps. 16:2). He is my never-changing Rock of Ages in the midst of the enormous, approaching change. Everything around me will look different in a few weeks, but he is and always will be the same.

Savior.

Provider.

Faith-giver.

Way-maker.

My Rock and fortress.

My God in whom I trust.

This leap of faith says nothing about me. I will never be able to look back and boast, “Look at all the amazing things I did.” No. I don’t have any faith in my own abilities. I am weak. I have and will fail. No, all the good in me is God’s work. He get’s all the credit and glory. I’m just a vessel, a clay jar in which he hid his surpassing treasure. He is worthy and he is with me. I’m ready for the plunge.

“But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us.”
1 Corinthians 4:7

A Seat at the Table

Friends of ours recently adopted a child from foster care. What a joy it was to walk with them through the process, from the time of placement when the child was 5 weeks old, to legal adoption at 2 years old.

Our church small group hosted a party at church to celebrate the adoption. We made a taco bar, decorated with green, blue, and dinosaurs, and had a huge cake. The guest of honor was oblivious through the festivities, adorably so.

When everyone was served, we made our plates and sat down at the table. The little guy crawled up in my lap, picked up my fork, and dug into my plate. I smiled, not just because I was clearly spoiling him, but because his little life was a beautiful illustration of what God does for us.

Adoption is one of the blessings of salvation through Jesus Christ. He not only forgives our sin through the cross, but transfers us into an adoptive, paternal relationship with him.

For those who are led by the Spirit of God are the children of God. The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship^.And by him we cry, “Abba, Father.”The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God’s children.
Romans 8:14-16

Because of the work of Jesus, we have a place at God’s table. He doesn’t leave us crumbs. We have a seat, and even have the freedom and relationship to crawl up in his lap. He doesn’t withhold any spiritual blessing from us because of the glorious blood of Jesus.

It’s not just a metaphorical table either. When God’s Kingdom is fully ushered in, we’ll eat the marriage feast of the Lamb in the presence of God.

“Hallelujah!
For the Lord our God
    the Almighty reigns.
Let us rejoice and exult
    and give him the glory,
for the marriage of the Lamb has come,
    and his Bride has made herself ready;
it was granted her to clothe herself
    with fine linen, bright and pure”— for the fine linen is the righteous deeds of the saints. And the angel said to me, “Write this: Blessed are those who are invited to the marriage supper of the Lamb.”
Rev. 19:6a-9

Jesus secured our adoption and seat at the table. Praise him for his kindness and mercy in making us his daughters!

Return to Sender

Can I have a different trial, please?

Have you ever prayed this way? I have. When I’m in the middle of a difficulty, it’s tempting to look at someone else’s situation. I know their life isn’t perfect, but their trials look more appealing than mine. I want to exchange my trial with the receipt the way I’d return an ill-fitting piece of clothing.

By the grace of God, that’s not how it works.

Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.
James 1:2-4

This is an oft-quoted verse to those experiencing suffering and trials. I memorized it in high school, and sometimes the eyes of my heart would roll. Could I really tell someone with cancer, a woman who lost a child, or a girl who had been abused, to count it all joy?

I’m thankful the Lord deepened my faith and understanding of these verses. I was a skeptic because I believed that joy is only attainable through good circumstances. This cannot be farther from the truth.

Joy Amid Suffering

Finding joy in the midst of a trial isn’t our natural inclination. James 1:2-4 commands us to count it all joy when we suffer, but it also gives us the reason for why we can count it all joy.

For you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness.
James 1:3

Steadfastness is a steadiness, grit, and faithfulness that comes from weathering trials and suffering in a sin-broken world. What does steadfastness lead us to?

And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.
James 1:4

The end result of steadfastness is being made perfect, set apart and holy. God promises that one day our sanctification will be complete, and we will no longer be riddled by sin and brokenness. We will be like Jesus, but not before we join him in eternity. This is a sweet promise. God will finish the work he began in us (Phil. 1:6).

Genuine Faith

“In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials, so that the tested genuineness of your faith—more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire—may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ.
1 Peter 1:6-7

Peter tells us that because we are born again to a living hope (1 Peter 1:3), we rejoice, despite the grievous trials we face. God tells us that the end result of trials, genuine faith, is more precious than gold.

Later in James, we read that a man or woman without faith is like a wave on the sea, driven by the wind (James 1:6). A wave is dependent on outside forces to shape and drive it. Through trials and suffering, God develops faith and strength that aren’t dependent on things going on around us but are fixed on the solid and unchanging promises of God.

In the end, only God knows exactly how he is shaping us in our suffering and trials. Just because someone else’s trial ended when they reached a certain point or had a certain realization, doesn’t mean ours will. God loves us too much to leave us in sin and complacency. He works in every trial and triumph to fix our eyes on him, root out sin, and grow our faith.

Press On

Sister, if you are suffering or find yourself in a dark trial, I urge you to fight for joy. Not because of your circumstances, but because this specific, light, momentary trial is preparing you for an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison (2 Cor. 4:17). God is working even when you can’t see it. He is refining and sanctifying you for your good and his glory. Trust your Creator.

He sees you. He loves you. He is with you.

*If someone is abusing or harming you, you don’t have to go on without help or a way out. Reach out to a godly friend or a pastor for support and counsel.

When Hope Hurts

I did it again. I worked on my Pintrest nursery board. I mentally counted the months and estimated the due date. I thought through how and when we’d tell our families. I imagined holding a tiny human with my husband’s eyes, listening to infant squeaks. But with familiar pangs in my empty womb came the lance of reality. No baby.

Hope is a beautiful thing, but what if hope becomes an enemy? What if, in this season of life, hope is cruel, risky, and unfulfilled? What do we do when hope hurts?

Hope is a feeling of anticipation and a desire for a certain thing to happen. This anticipation and its appeal is universal. Hope is the central agent of change in storytelling and great epics: Luke to the Rebellion, Frodo to the Fellowship, and Harry to the good wizards and witches.

Hope can affect our bodies as well as our minds. Researchers learned that hope can even alter neurochemistry, mimicking the effects of morphine by releasing endorphins and enkephalins to block pain (Jerome Groopman).

Hope in Scripture

Hope is a central theme of the Bible. In the Old Testament, the word hope is used eighty-eight times (ESV). Many of these passages express the anticipation of the Messiah and the fulfillment of God’s promises to Abraham and the Israelites. Job, a book centered on suffering, uses “hope” twenty-one times, and it appears twenty-eight times in the Psalms, a book in which the psalmist doesn’t shy away from expressing anguish, fear, and joy to God.

In the New Testament, we see the disciples’ hope that Jesus is the Messiah. Peter was one of the first to recognize Jesus was the Christ (Matt. 16:16). He promised to never deny him, and even to die with him (Matt. 26:33-35). Peter’s hope was so utterly crushed after denying Jesus three times, he wept bitterly (Matt. 26:75). Yet on the third day after Jesus’ death, Peter himself ran to the tomb and found it empty. Later Jesus appeared and restored him. Hope kindled. Hope lost. Hope restored. Hope fulfilled.

What do we do when we find ourselves pierced by hope like Peter, left broken and weeping bitterly?

Shift your Hope

In an oft repeated refrain, the psalmist writes,

“Why are you cast down, O my soul,
and why are you in turmoil within me?
Hope in God; for I shall again praise him,
my salvation and my God.”
Ps. 42:11

When hopes are dashed and all seems the darkest, hope in God. Hope, when placed in God, is an unquenchable beacon in the night. God will not fail us. His faithfulness knows no end. He is unchangeable, all powerful, sovereign, good, and just.

If our ultimate hope is in God and his provision in Christ to cover our sin, our darkest day on earth will be the closest we ever get to hell. Even when we see the whites of the eyes of the enemy and feel him breathing down our neck, we have unshakeable hope. We are in Christ, perfect and complete, made righteous and holy through the blood of the Lamb. Our hope is founded not in this world, but in the eternal Kingdom of God.

Don’t Lose Heart

Do you hope for rest? “Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light” (Matt. 11:28-30).

Do you hope for peace? “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus” (Phil. 4:6-7).

Do you hope for joy? “You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore” (Ps. 16:11).

Do you hope for restoration? “And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you” (1 Peter 5:10).

Do you hope to be rid of your flesh? “And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ” (Phil. 1:6).

Dear one, do not lose heart. God knows and sees the hope that hurts you. Don’t put your hope in temporary things. Rest in your ultimate hope, the Lord, and bask in the assurance that his hope will never be foiled or disappointed. We will one day be with him.

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope.
Romans 15:13