Tag Archives: control

The Sneaky Sin of Annoyance

Are you often annoyed? Recently I found myself discontent with my job, and as I dug deeper, I realized that I was working from a place of annoyance. I started my day anticipating annoyance, I became annoyed, then brought my annoyance home with me. 

Annoyance is often swept under the rug as a “little sin”. It’s not in the sin lists in 1 Corinthians, Galatians, Ephesians, and Colossians, so it must not be a big deal, right? Everyone gets annoyed. We’re human. We live in a broken world. It’s part of the deal. 

Yet as followers of Jesus, we must submit every part of our hearts to Christ. 

To annoy is to disturb or bother a person in a way that displeases, troubles, or slightly irritates (dictionary.com). You know the feeling. We stiffen our shoulders, furrow our brows, and bend our mouths in a frown. Our hearts grumble and groan in irritation, even if we manage to govern our body language.

What do we do when that bubble of annoyance rises in response to the day-to-day issues? 

Sin has Roots 

With my job, I was annoyed by the disruption of my schedule and the unpredictability that arose out of it. My annoyance was rooted in pride. I want to be in control, I’m not, so I’m annoyed. 

With behaviors like annoyance, it’s helpful to examine what the reaction is rooted in and where that particular sin is leading. 

Where would my job annoyance lead? I would descend into anger, discontentedness, and harshness towards others as I try to control and order my world according to my desires. 

If you are habitually annoyed about something or someone, take a moment to contemplate not just the source, but what sin your annoyance is rooted in and where it’s leading you. Sin always drags you deeper into the darkness. When you allow “small” sins to flourish, your flesh will take it one, two, or three steps further than you ever intended. 

Kill your Sin 

We must never be content with our pet sins. Christ died for our sins, yet we sometimes we pick and choose which ones we want to crucify and submit to his lordship. 

God wants us to walk in righteousness in all things. We won’t be perfect this side of eternity, but this is a battle we must fight as believers. “Be killing sin or it will be killing you” (John Owen). 

Let’s be honest. “I’m annoyed” is a more acceptable way of saying “I’m mildly angry”. Anger can be righteous (Scripture tells us that both God and Jesus were angry at times), but our anger is rarely righteous. Our anger is most often rooted in pride and selfishness. 

Scripture has a lot to say about anger. Wisdom literature is rife with examples of anger leading to sin and strife (Prov. 14:29, 29:22, Ecc. 7:9). 

Paul instructs is in Ephesians: 

Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil.

Eph. 4:26-27

Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice.

Ephesians 4:31

James also speaks to us about anger: 

Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God.

James 1:19-20

Annoyance also leads us to grumbling and complaining. Paul says in Phil. 2:14-15: 

Do all things without grumbling or disputing, that you may be blameless and innocent, children of God without blemish in the midst of a crooked and twisted generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world. 

Recalibrate your Response

When annoyance comes (and it will), consider these practical steps:

  • Take deep breath to calm your body.
  • Think through the sin-root of your annoyance and where it will lead. 
  • Confess sin (unbelief, pride, selfishness, etc). 
  • If you follow Jesus, remember God’s promise that you are forgiven in Christ. If you don’t have a relationship with God through Jesus, check this out.
  • Choose a scripture to memorize and meditate on to set your mind on Christ instead of yourself. 
  • Share with accountability partner(s) for prayer and support. 

Don’t let sneaky sins trip you and tear you down from the joy-filled, righteous life Christ purchased for you on the cross. Walk in freedom. 

Walking with the Waiting

This is to those in the Church who are walking alongside women who are in seasons of waiting for marriage and/or children. I’ve had women honestly and humbly say, “I’ve never struggled with singleness/infertility. I don’t know how to encourage you”. 

The good news is that single and childless women need to hear the same gospel truth the married and mothers need. As believers, we are sisters bound by the Spirit and united in our desperate need for a Savior. However, there are specific ways to encourage these women. 

Below I want to share some well-meaning phrases to avoid, and practical encouragements to build up the Body to love single and childless women well. 

“God is in Control”

As I have walked through eight years of singleness and currently am struggling with infertility, I hear this phrase a lot. It’s true, but my belief in the sovereignty of God is/was never my struggle. My belief in his character is/was always the root issue.

Really listen to your sister’s heart before you speak. Don’t assume that her experience and struggles are the same as yours. Listen closely to her heart. 

Whatever the root of her struggle, pray for your sister’s faith to increase. Encourage her to pray like the man in Mark 9, “I believe! Help my unbelief!” 

“You’re trying too hard. Let go and let God”

This was a frustrating, resounding gong the first year we tried to conceive. It tempted me to put my hope in something I could do to control my circumstances. 

Your single friend may be thinking about lowering her standards or considering going to another church to find prospective suitors. Your friend struggling with infertility may talk about it a lot, or chart what she eats to her BBT. Encourage her to work in the waiting, but ultimately she must put her trust in the Lord’s ways and timing. Remind her that God values faithfulness and obedience, and that her marital status or if she has children doesn’t determine her value and identity as a daughter of God. 

“If you really trust God, this shouldn’t hurt.”

This one was like a gut punch. Please don’t say this to your struggling sister. While feelings cannot be our guides, they are still part of the whole person God created in his image. It is possible to trust in the Lord with all your heart, yet still be pierced by pain, ache, and longing.

In John 11, Jesus’s friend Lazarus died. At the funeral Jesus wept, though he knew he could and would raise the man from the dead. This man of sorrows took time to recognize and join in the appropriate grief of his friend’s death. 

One of the kindest, most encouraging thing you can do for your sister is to sit and grieve with them. This may look like crying together in community group, letting her rock your baby, or listening to her talk over coffee. Acknowledge her grief and remind her of 1 Cor. 4:16-17.

  “So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison.”

1 Corinthians 4:16-17

“Your Eggs are Dying”

Unless your friend failed Sex Ed, you don’t need to remind her that her fertility window is shortening. She knows. I promise, she knows.

If she’s struggling with this, remind her that the God who created her knows her body and is able to even give Sara a baby in her nineties. In this age, there are many children already born and waiting in orphanages and foster care for a forever family.

With God all things are possible! 

Walk with Them

A great way to serve and bless sisters in these seasons is to invite them into your lives. They may not have kids for a playdate, but they can come over for dinner or game night. 

Consider them on holidays dedicated to celebrating what they don’t have but deeply desire. Have a girls night around Valentines day. Give her an extra big hug on Mother’s Day. 

Share your families with them. While you might be desperate for five minutes of peace, she might love to rock your baby, or get peppered by a million questions while she colors with your kiddos. 

Pray for them and let them know you’re praying for them. This has been a great comfort to me in seasons of waiting.

Spur them On

Finally, encourage your sisters to not waste this season. You’ve probably heard “singleness is a gift”, and so can seasons of childlessness, as unwanted as they may be. 

Your single sister may need to be spurred on to not wait around for Prince Charming, but to get out there and make use of this special season (or life) for the glory of God. 

For sisters struggling with infertility, this time also holds special potential. They may be able to volunteer, serve their local church, and have flexibility and availability that moms don’t have. 

Encourage your friend to look at her time and see if there are ways she can be using it for God’s glory, walking in faithfulness, working in the waiting.