waiting – Kristi P. Powell

Deep Breath Before the Plunge

In one of my favorite books, The Return of the King, Gandalf, the venerable wizard, and Pippin, the playful but maturing Hobbit, arrive at a major city at the cusp of an enormous battle. Everyone is on edge, waiting for it to start. Gandalf calls it “the deep breath before the plunge”. I’ve been here several times in my life, on the edge of something completely life-changing.

Before I left for college, the first person in my close-knit family to leave home, move to another state, and complete a bachelor’s degree.

Before I moved overseas, to another country to learn a new, difficult language and be immersed in a new culture.

Before I moved back to America, not knowing in the least what was next.

Before I got married, choosing to trade singleness for lifelong partnership.

And now, I sit at the cusp of adopting four children, ages two to seven. I’ve taken lots of deep breaths before this plunge. These quiet moments of preparation before my “normal” is completely turned upside down are precious, and frightening at times.

In the weeks or months leading up to a big change, my heart has a tug of war with itself. I don’t like change, yet God’s given me an adventuring spirit that is willing to go into uncharted territory. All the what-ifs swirl around my head. I am a champion at worst-case-scenarios, which makes for great story-telling, but leads to anxiety in my personal life. It is all too easy to spiral down into fear and despair, long before any difficult thing actually happens. I’ve had moments of panic, wondering what in the world I was thinking when I made this decision. Surely you can’t handle this. It’s too hard. It’s too big. And too uncomfortable.

And while those things are true of every adventure I’ve embarked on, there is another truth that rings even truer. If God asked me to do this, he will be by my side supplying grace, strength, perseverance, and wisdom to accomplish it every step of the way. This is his plan, not mine. I’m not writing this story, he is. And I must trust the Author.

Even if nothing of the rest of my life is as I planned, expected or hoped, I will still cry out, “I have no good apart from [God]!” (Ps. 16:2). He is my never-changing Rock of Ages in the midst of the enormous, approaching change. Everything around me will look different in a few weeks, but he is and always will be the same.

Savior.

Provider.

Faith-giver.

Way-maker.

My Rock and fortress.

My God in whom I trust.

This leap of faith says nothing about me. I will never be able to look back and boast, “Look at all the amazing things I did.” No. I don’t have any faith in my own abilities. I am weak. I have and will fail. No, all the good in me is God’s work. He get’s all the credit and glory. I’m just a vessel, a clay jar in which he hid his surpassing treasure. He is worthy and he is with me. I’m ready for the plunge.

“But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us.”
1 Corinthians 4:7

Waiting for the King

If 2020 had a Christmas ornament that summed up the year, it would be of a child with their nose pressed up against a window, gazing out expectantly. That is how I’ve felt. First, it was waiting for fertility treatments, then waiting for the pandemic to pass, and finally starting our adoption and waiting on approvals and matching. Waiting is difficult, and patience seems on short supply some days when nothing seems to be happening.

Waiting is very much in line with the season of Christmas advent. Advent is a season of waiting and longing. The first advent was for the appearing of the Messiah. The Old Testament was given through the prophets, God’s Word and messages to his people. He made a covenant with them, first with Abraham, and down through the patriarchs, but again and again, his people strayed. The law given to Moses could only condemn, not save. The sacrificial system only temporarily absolved sins, and the bloody sacrifices were repeated year after year to cover the sins of God’s people. God promised a Messiah, a final sacrifice. But where was he? Prophets, kings, and the very nation failed over and over. Their kingdom split. They were taken into exile. They were brought back to their country, only to have it occupied by the world superpowers. Where was this Messiah? Where was God? He fell silent for four hundred years between the writings of the prophet Malachi and the birth of Christ. Had he forsaken them? Had he forgotten them?

In a moment of splendor, a bright star shone and angels sang in the sky to signal the fulfillment of the prophesies. Love came down in Jesus Christ. The Son of God became son of Man, infinite divinity merged with finite flesh. He was born in humble Bethlehem, not in a palace, but a humble stable. His mother, a virgin, and his father, a carpenter, had both seen angels, but now they saw the face of God in their babe. Shepherds saw the angels and came to worship. They rejoiced and told everyone what they had seen and heard. Wisemen travelled from the East, bringing gifts far beyond what his poor parents had ever seen. The heavens declared the glory of God and led the wisemen straight to God himself. But the fanfare, a brilliant flash in the dark of night, didn’t last long before Jesus was just a Jewish child, fleeing death as a refugee to Egypt, then returning with his parents to Nazareth in Rome-occupied Palestine. Thirty years passed, as far as the Bible tells us, ordinary and quiet. More waiting.

Jesus’ stepped out of anonymity at the right time, and began his ministry. He turned water into wine, healed the sick, lame, and demon possessed. He taught about the Kingdom of God and called them to repentance. He was sinless, baptized, ridiculed, followed, and revered. He called twelve disciples to follow him and they called him Rabbi (teacher), then the Christ. Religious leaders plotted to kill him, but in the end Jesus laid his own life down as the sacrificial Lamb, the final and perfect sacrifice. This time there were no angels singing in the skies. There was no brilliant star. Darkness came, and the earth shook as its Creator, the Word of God, died, forsaken by the Father God to punish the sins of the world. For three days, creation held its breath. The disciples hid, grieved and confused. More waiting.

In another flash of splendor, Jesus walked out of the tomb three days later, alive! He was raised to life, having conquered death in the grave. After seeing his disciples and some five hundred others, he left instructions to go to every nation and tell the good news of his salvation. He ascended into heaven to sit the right hand of Father God.

He is waiting even now to come again to usher in the new heavens and earth. That’s why we are still waiting, even though two thousand years ago he came, lived, died, and rose again. He’s not finished. Not even close. We live in this tension of the here but not yet. His Kingdom is here on earth in his people, the Church, but we are still waiting for the King to return and fully bring in the new heavens and earth. There is still sin, brokenness, and darkness here. But it won’t be like this forever.

This is our hope. We are sojourners, exiles, and strangers in this world. This is not our home. This is why the Gospel is good news to the waiting, poor, sick, barren, imperfect, addicted, estranged, heart-broken, and needy. What we see here in this broken, sin-riddled world is not the end. We wait with eagerness, not hoping in what we can get here, or how comfortable we can make ourselves on earth. We are not of this world. The King is coming.

God calls us to be active waiters. We don’t hunker down and wait to die or for Jesus’ return. He tells us to love the Lord our God with all our hearts, souls, and strength, and to love our neighbors as ourselves. We wait, but we fight our sin and for light in the world. We wait, but we hope. We wait, knowing that one day our faith will be made sight, and we will worship around his throne for eternity, all darkness, sin, and death banished forever under the King’s rule and reign.

What are you waiting on? Are you weary, irritated, and frustrated? Do not lose heart. He hasn’t forgotten you. The King is coming.

Walking with the Waiting

This is to those in the Church who are walking alongside women who are in seasons of waiting for marriage and/or children. I’ve had women honestly and humbly say, “I’ve never struggled with singleness/infertility. I don’t know how to encourage you”.

The good news is that single and childless women need to hear the same gospel truth the married and mothers need. As believers, we are sisters bound by the Spirit and united in our desperate need for a Savior. However, there are specific ways to encourage these women.

Below I want to share some well-meaning phrases to avoid, and practical encouragements to build up the Body to love single and childless women well.

“God is in Control”

As I have walked through eight years of singleness and currently am struggling with infertility, I hear this phrase a lot. It’s true, but my belief in the sovereignty of God is/was never my struggle. My belief in his character is/was always the root issue.

Really listen to your sister’s heart before you speak. Don’t assume that her experience and struggles are the same as yours. Listen closely to her heart.

Whatever the root of her struggle, pray for your sister’s faith to increase. Encourage her to pray like the man in Mark 9, “I believe! Help my unbelief!”

“You’re trying too hard. Let go and let God”

This was a frustrating, resounding gong the first year we tried to conceive. It tempted me to put my hope in something I could do to control my circumstances.

Your single friend may be thinking about lowering her standards or considering going to another church to find prospective suitors. Your friend struggling with infertility may talk about it a lot, or chart what she eats to her BBT. Encourage her to work in the waiting, but ultimately she must put her trust in the Lord’s ways and timing. Remind her that God values faithfulness and obedience, and that her marital status or if she has children doesn’t determine her value and identity as a daughter of God.

“If you really trust God, this shouldn’t hurt.”

This one was like a gut punch. Please don’t say this to your struggling sister. While feelings cannot be our guides, they are still part of the whole person God created in his image. It is possible to trust in the Lord with all your heart, yet still be pierced by pain, ache, and longing.

In John 11, Jesus’s friend Lazarus died. At the funeral Jesus wept, though he knew he could and would raise the man from the dead. This man of sorrows took time to recognize and join in the appropriate grief of his friend’s death.

One of the kindest, most encouraging thing you can do for your sister is to sit and grieve with them. This may look like crying together in community group, letting her rock your baby, or listening to her talk over coffee. Acknowledge her grief and remind her of 1 Cor. 4:16-17.

“So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison.”
1 Corinthians 4:16-17

“Your Eggs are Dying”

Unless your friend failed Sex Ed, you don’t need to remind her that her fertility window is shortening. She knows. I promise, she knows.

If she’s struggling with this, remind her that the God who created her knows her body and is able to even give Sara a baby in her nineties. In this age, there are many children already born and waiting in orphanages and foster care for a forever family.

With God all things are possible!

Walk with Them

A great way to serve and bless sisters in these seasons is to invite them into your lives. They may not have kids for a playdate, but they can come over for dinner or game night.

Consider them on holidays dedicated to celebrating what they don’t have but deeply desire. Have a girls night around Valentines day. Give her an extra big hug on Mother’s Day.

Share your families with them. While you might be desperate for five minutes of peace, she might love to rock your baby, or get peppered by a million questions while she colors with your kiddos.

Pray for them and let them know you’re praying for them. This has been a great comfort to me in seasons of waiting.

Spur them On

Finally, encourage your sisters to not waste this season. You’ve probably heard “singleness is a gift”, and so can seasons of childlessness, as unwanted as they may be.

Your single sister may need to be spurred on to not wait around for Prince Charming, but to get out there and make use of this special season (or life) for the glory of God.

For sisters struggling with infertility, this time also holds special potential. They may be able to volunteer, serve their local church, and have flexibility and availability that moms don’t have.

Encourage your friend to look at her time and see if there are ways she can be using it for God’s glory, walking in faithfulness, working in the waiting.